Thankful | Migraines

I had coffee with my brother today. Nothing fancy, just in my livingroom, with River Cottage on in the background. We talked awhile about his plans for the future. I remember being 19. How exciting everything was. All the possibilities. Now I'm 24, and life is still exciting. Yet, sometimes I need to be reminded that life is exciting. Like this weekend. Friday was a hard day, but when it was over it was wonderful. We finished our 40-page report we've been struggling with for the past couple of months. Saturday I was in bed with a migraine. I have monthly migraines, no biggie, but this one was rough. I spent all of Saturday in bed. Usually a couple of pills and a nap cures it. Not this time. I thought it might be over by Sunday. It wasn't. It got better, but never completely disappeared. In the end I got so sick of it I just ignored it. We had sushi with a friend, and it was wonderful. Except for the fact that my head was still quietly exploding every now and then. Surely it would be over by the time I woke up this morning. It wasn't, not completely. I still had this numbing pain behind my forehead,  but I had to get up. I had to hand in that report. So I did. And now, the migraine is finally gone.
A weekend spent in bed with a migraine is no fun. Days like that don't feel exciting. I start thinking how life isn't fair. How it isn't fair that I have to deal with monthly migraines, while others go through life without ever encountering one. I start complaining, I start having negative thoughts.  I start to get sick of my life. I forget that I have many more good, exciting days than I have days with migraines. Focusing on the negative causes you to forget the positive, although the positive should far outweight the negative.

Image found on Pinterest

I have a wonderful, exciting life,

but sometimes I forget.

I need to be reminded that the bad days don't overpower the good days,

because they don't.

I would never trade in my life for someone else's, 

not even if it meant being rid of the monthly migraines.

If this life requires a migraine now and then, 

then that's how it's going to be.

I'll take it.

- Lea Binta

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Confession | An organized mess

I'm a very special type of person.

What some like to call artistic.

Aka messy and unorganized.

I don't agree with this!

(the messy and unorganized, not the artistic part)

My way of organization is just a little different than what is 

"normal" and acceptable to others. 

I'm a creative person, which includes organization.

Yes, it's true that I always have at least 5 projects going at once,

but occassionally I do finish one! 

It happens!

My husband is the complete opposite.

Not that he isn't creative, he's just a very organized form of creative.

When I feel creative I usually take up half the living room for 3 days,

until I get bored of the project. 

When he is creative he sits in his seat, drawing and making lists, 

before actually doing anything.

And then he gets it done right away,

instead of putting it off for months and months.

I find this very strange..

Our differences are most vivid when you take a look around our apartment.

Hubs' way of organizing:

My way of organizing:

Do I look messy to you?

Trust me, I know exactly what is in which pile. 

Over the years I have, however, discovered the advantage of lists

because, well, I get caught up in projects and forget to do

the important things.

So now, if I have to remember to do something, I always make lists.

(Plus, I love the satisfaction of checking things off a list!)

We're already halfway through November, and it kind of stresses me out,

so here's my list of the things I have to get done before December:

- Finish homemade Christmas gifts and buy remaining gift

- Finish the gift for the homemade gift exchange (read more here)

- Take picture for Christmas cards

- Write and send Christmas cards

- Pass grammar exam (!!)

- Write long overdue letter to a friend currently in the states

- Finish Christmas decorations

I'm hoping to check some stuff off soon,

but we'll just have to wait and see. 

- Lea Binta

Confession | "needS"

I consider myself a nice person,

but I have a nasty side that not many people know about.

It's not an obvious "call-you-bitch-to-your-face"-side,

but more like a battle in my mind.

Do you remember the cartoons with Donald Duck, 

where he would have an angel on one shoulder

and a devil on the other,

and they would battle each other?

I have that.

What do they battle about?

Judging others.

Based on what?

Mostly spelling and grammar.

That's right, I judge people based on how they spell.

They worst part is that I'm not that great at grammar myself.

I just always notice other people's mistakes.

Then after noticing and ridiculing the person in my head

I get mad at myself for being that way.

But I can't help it.

That devil on my shoulder is having a field day sometimes.

It might go something like this:

Reading an article/folder/ANYTHING with spelling or grammar mistakes.

Devil: Ha! Who wrote this!? The person must be a moron. 

They can't even tell the difference between "break" and "brake"!

Angel: Hey - be nice! The person could be dyslexic.

Devil: I know dyslexic people, and even they know that one!

Angel: Well, maybe they had a hard time growing up,

and couldn't focus on school work becausey they had an abusive parent.

Devil: They can't ALL be dyslexic or come from abusive backgrounds -

look at all these pages with mistakes!

Angel: Maybe english is their second language.

Devil: English is YOUR second language too!

Angel: JUST SHUT UP AND BE NICE!

Devil: Fine.. 

Then I spot another mistake and the whole thing repeats itself.

It's quite exhausting.

I have this coffee cup with a lovely quote on it.

It says,

"The world needs more flowers"

Yup, that's what it says. 

In my perfect world anyway.

Because you know what? 

It doesn't say that.

It says,

"The world need more flowers"

When I noticed I almost gave up drinking from that cup ever again. 

They can't even check their grammar before producing the cup nationally?

What has this world come to!?

My devil had a real good time when that happened.

Then I figured,

heck, it's just a cup.

Nobody's perfect.

I guess coffee cups aren't either.

- Lea Binta

Confession | Coffee

I realized something this week.

I've always been careful to not drink too much coffee in the morning,

so as not to end up needing coffee to wake up.

I've failed.

If I don't have my thermus of coffee with me when going to uni

early in the morning, then I will never wake up properly.

Then last week I thought, 

"well, I only need coffee for my 8 o'clock classes"

and I didn't bring coffee the day I only had a 10 o'clock class.

Fail.

I should have brought coffee. 

Sleep doesn't cut it anymore - I officially need coffee to wake up.

Have I had coffee today?

No, but it also took me like an hour to find a nice coffee picture

on pinterest.

I rest my case.

- which is why my hubby always makes me coffee in the morning,

but makes sure to leave as I get out of bed.

Smart man.

- Lea Binta

Picture found on pinterest.com

Confession | Crybaby

Hi, my name is Lea Binta,

and I'm a crybaby.

I used to be such a tough kid.

Not tough as in cool, but tough as in I never cried during movies,

no matter how sad they were.

Only exception was once during E.T.,

the second time I watched it.

Bad day, don't know what happened.

Ever since I watched The Patriot with Mel Gibson and Heath Ledger

it's been one of my alltime favorite movies,

and I've watched it hundreds of times.

And I never cried. 

Then once, a few years ago, something happened.

I watched The Patriot, and I found myself concentrating harder

on not crying, than on watching the movie.

Where did that come from?!

And ever since that day I've been a hot mess.

Crying, crying, crying.

Somedays I think I spend more time fighting the tears

than anything else.

(Or at least it feels that way)

I cry at every baptism and wedding I attend.

I cry every time I watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition,

and every show where someone loses an obscene amount of weight

and is reunited with their family in the end.

You cry, I cry. 

The other day the weather forecast said sunday was going to be

a real nice and warm day with lots of sunshine.

When I checked it just before going to bed they had changed it,

and now they say sunday is going to be a not as warm

and rainy day.

And I felt a lump in my throat.

Because of the weather.

I have no clue who allowed this soft, crying woman to take over my body,

but frankly, I don't like it.

If anyone of you have any suggestions to make me stop bawling my eyes out

next time I watch Grey's Anatomy,

then please, send them my way!

Now, if you'll excuse me, my hubby's almost home,

and that just makes me so happy I could cry.

Literally.

- Lea Binta

Confession | Addicted

So you know how everyone gains a couple of pounds over christmas

and then has to do this insane bikini-bootcamp to get in shape for 

the summer season?

I have to do that.

But you know when I gain more than I do over christmas?

During the summer.

Preferably while wearing my bikini.

I kid you not, as much as I love my winter foods,

I go absolutely crazy for summer foods!

I am, in fact, pretty addicted to summer food.

I know people who say that they don't eat much during the summer.

It's too hot for anything other than a light salad.

I often wonder, are they aliens?

Or maybe, deep down inside, they're really rabbits, 

and the finest food they'll ever really appreciate is lettuce and carrots?

I don't get it.

How can they not divulge themselves in the flavors of summer?

I could live off of icecream and barbecues!

You wanna see what I ate so far this summer?

Oh relax, I won't show you everything,

just the reeeaaaally good ones.

Better get ready for your mouth to start watering.

I got these mini donuts with powdered sugar at a concert,

and thank God I don't know where else to purchase these,

because I would have gained 20 pounds by tomorrow!

Have you ever lived in another country for years, and then

suddenly move?

You start missing the place, the customs, and the people,

but more than that

you start to really miss the food.

Of course you still miss the people too, since they cooked the food!

I miss Nigerian food so often, and one night my parents decided to make

a nice, homely Nigerian meal.

Aka what we could buy on campus.

We cooked and ate for hours. 

I'm pretty sure this evening accounts for most of my weight gain

over the past few weeks,

but it was sooooo worth it.

 Top left corner: kosai

Top right corner: suya

Bottom left corner: potatoes and puff puff

Nigerian pepper, salt, onions.

My sweet parents also decided to invite me and my brother for

brunch at a local café.

Of course, having eaten so much the previous days I passed.

NOT.

Who would pass up this delicious food?

And you know what else is a constant food favorite for me?

Taking a regular meal and throwing it on the grill.

It just makes it taste so much better!

Someday I'm moving to Australia and I will be throwing all my food

on the barbie.

And I'll get a funky accent too, because you can't say

"shrimp on the barbie" if you have no funky accent.

You betcha.

And really, some of the best food experiences of the summer aren't even on here!

I absolutely love being able to make my own icecream with whatever

flavour I want, in my handy lil' icecream mean-machine.

My brother fell in love with it too.

I'll have to get him one for christmas.

(Andreas, I know you're reading this, just act surprised at 

christmas, alright?)

Also, one night we visited a lovely Iranian family, and they cooked us

a feast!

A feast, I tell you!

We could easily have been 10 more people, with all that food!

And it was sooooo delicious, and they were sooooo nice,

and I don't have ANY pictures from that evening, because,

well, I was far too busy enjoying the food and their company.

Check back in 6 months to hear all about how I gain weight 

during the winter.

/Lea Binta

Confession | Guilty pleasures aka unhealthy obsessions

Most of us have guilty pleasures, right?

Like watching Glee or Desperate Housewives.

Or eating cake for dinner.

Or checking facebook in the bathroom.

No? Just me then?

I have quite a few guilty pleasures, and sometimes they kind of take an unhealthy turn

 and become more of an obsession than a guilty pleasure. 

Most people know I like Bear Grylls.

Most people also know that the above sentence is the understatement

of the year. 

I don't like Bear Grylls, I love him! 

About a year ago, when we moved into this apartment,

we had the Discovery Channel for free.

I spent every night at 11 watching Born Survivor.

Every night!

At one point it got so bad that I couldn't sleep,

unless I had watched the show.

Then the cable guys cut the channel and I went cold turkey.

Boy, that was tough.

But probably pretty healthy. 

I still admire Bear Grylls a lot, 

but I'm not quite as obsessed anymore. 

I will still, however, most likely love anything he does

or is somehow involved in. 

Naturally I read his blog on his website (www.beargrylls.com).

Naturally I go through all the pictures on the website too,

every time I read the blog, 

just to make sure he didn't upload any new ones I haven't seen.

Obsessed? Noooo. Thorough, yes. 

I could go on and on about Bear Grylls, 

but all this ranting was actually just to tell you

that I got his new game app for my phone.

And I love it. 

It's a simple game. Not that exciting really.

The amazing part though?

Bear Grylls telling me "Nice job!", "Darn it!", and 

"That was pretty good, if I do say so myself!"

And yes, I am currently reading his biography "Mud, Sweat and Tears"for the second time within 4 months. Don't judge! 
/Lea Binta

Confession | On the run

Do yourself a favor and listen to this incredible song.

It's worth it. 

And when you're done go ahead and listen to the rest of her songs.

She's quite amazing, if you ask me.

So, did you listen to the song?

I was doing the dishes a while ago, and this song came on. And it hit me hard, right where I needed it. 

I love Tina Dico's songs, but the lyrics for this song could have been taken right out of my head. 

Quitting university makes you think about life, about the future. 

What is it I want with my life?

Which kind of job do I want, what kind of working environment is best for me?

And where do I find anything that works?

Sometimes I sit and I wish I was a bit more ordinary. That I wanted ordinary things. 

I wish I could thrive working in an office or as a shopkeeper. That I dreamt of ordinary things, like working with finances or being a teacher. 

I wish my ultimate dream was to get a house and have kids. 

But it isn't.

My dreams involve music, writing, travelling the world. 

I dream of New Zealand and South Africa. 

I dream of mentoring young adults.

I dream of things I dare not even think through. 

I'm not ordinary, and I don't thrive in ordinary settings.

Unfortunately.

Or fortunately?

Right now it feels like it's unfortunate. Right now I just need to start working, saving money, taking one day at a time.

Then maybe one day I'll figure out what it is I'm meant to be doing, or where I'm meant to be at. 

But right now,

it feels like I'm on the run.

"I wake up in the morning with one thing on my mind,

to get up on my feet and be on my way

The wide roads are calling and I'm running out of time

to make the most of this exciting day

Everybody's gotta end up somewhere

I'm just taking my time to get there

And it looks like freedom and it smells like fun

but it feels like being on the run"

/Lea Binta

Confession | Messy

My favourite time of day is eating breakfast. I wake up, take the dog out, and then sit down to have breakfast, either with the tv on, some music on, or a book beside me. Breakfast is that part of day where I'm up, and I still have faith that today will be a good day - that today I will accomplish something. 

Then after breakfast reality hits. Usually it hits hard. I spend an hour searching for jobs, trying to find something that I'm qualified for. On a good day I'll find a couple of jobs I can apply to. Most days there are no jobs. No jobs for me. Plenty of jobs for others, no jobs for me. 

Seeing as I spend pretty much all day every day at home you would think the place was spotless. What else is there to do, right? Well, think again. Most days I lose faith after breakfast, and I spend my day surfing the internet or watching tv. It's quite depressing. As a result, the apartment is pretty much always a mess. 

Saturday was my hubby's birthday, and I spent all of friday cleaning and getting ready for saturday. Our apartment was (almost) spotless! 

Bedroom/office space

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Living room

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Kitchen

BEFORE:

AFTER:

It felt so good to finally get the place cleaned up, and I was proud of our home when our families came for birthday brunch saturday morning. I just needed an excuse to do something.

And then it occurred to me. 

My life is a mess, yes, I know. I can't control it. I may not even like it all the time. It's hard to be at home, searching for a job, feeling worthless, because no one seems to want you to come work for them. 

BUT

even though I may not be able to control some areas of my life right now, doesn't mean that I should give up on others. 

I can spend my energy on things that make me happy - having a clean apartment, drinking coffee with friends, going for walks in the sunshine, running around the garden with my dog. 

Sometimes I need people to tell me to stop worrying about what I can't change, and enjoy what I do have an influence on. 

I'll be alright, job or no job. 

/Lea Binta

Confession | I hate mondays

Beautiful blue sky this morning

"I hate mondays" has always been my mantra. Not because I want to hate mondays - it's actually quite inconvenient to dislike a certain weekday, because no matter what you have to deal with it every seven days. 

It's not even because horrible things happen on mondays. Whether it's a good day or a bad day, monday has just always been a bit more-.. yuck. But not today.

Today I woke up feeling quite happy, which never happens on a monday. It didn't even bother me that Obelix was jumping around the bed, trying to wake me up. Today is a good day, even though today is a monday. Even though I start my 3rd semester on thursday, and I'm nowhere near ready. Even though I don't really have any money to buy groceries for. Even though my life is generally chaos right now. Today is a good day. A good monday.

Happy monday everyone!

Confession | Three little words

It's friday! We made it through another week. When tuesday arrived this week I thought for sure this week would go on FOR-EVER, but the last couple of days have actually gone by pretty fast. Probably because they were suddenly filled with coffee dates, baking, and visits. 

Do any of you know the song "Baby, can I hold you" by Tracy Chapman? (If you don't, go on youtube and find it straight away!) Honestly, and this isn't particularly flattering, if Tracy Chapman knew who I was when she wrote that song, I know it would have been about me. 

I suck at telling people that I'm sorry, even though I know I screwed up. Even tougher to say "Forgive me", because then you really acknowledge that you screwed up. It's horrible, but I am working on it, and I've gotten better at saying "sorry". Still working on the "forgive me" part. 

That's not the worst, however. What if I told you that I hardly ever say "I love you"? Even to those people that mean the world to me. My family. My close friends. My husband. 

It's not that I don't love them, because I really, really do. I just have a problem saying it. I can say all sorts of other stuff without any problem! "You're amazing." "I love being with you." "You're the most wonderful person in the whole world." "You mean everything to me." 

But having to say "I love you" makes my tongue all clumsy. 

When me and my hubby got married (almost a year ago now - crazy!) our church gave us a book called "The Five Love Languages", and suddenly I didn't feel so horrible anymore. 

It's not that I don't love people, I'm just not good at being vocal about it. I will, however, go out of my way to make sure they're okay. I love getting small things for people, because that's one of my ways of telling them that I love them. I love doing stuff for them, to make their day easier. Whenever I help my hubby get his food ready for work the next day, I always slip in some chocolate or another goodie, just to make him feel special. And to make him feel loved. I will use my whole evening baking bread and/or cake, because I know he appreciates it. I will buy him his favorite crackers, and then whip them out when he comes home from work all tired and dirty. 

See? I'm not coldhearted, I'm just not good at being vocal about my love. But I'm working on it. My hubby knows I'm working on it. He doesn't mind that I don't tell him that I love him all the time, but he appreciates it when I do tell him. Because he knows it means that much more when I finally say it. 

He loves me, and I love him. He says it a lot. I don't. But I will. In time.